Reflections on Friendship.

We know that friendships evolve throughout our lives. Sometimes breaks are needed and uncomfortable conversations must be had. In other instances, they may blossom or come to an end. When our friendships change, do we hold resentment towards the outcome or do we see the beauty in evolution? Do we tighten our grip in an effort to keep things familiar or do we surrender to the process? Should we not keep our focus on how much we’ve progressed in honoring what’s best for us? This seems hard to do because change often activates a sense of helplessness in a world subtly conditioning us to control just about anything. 

This year I’ve been reminded of how badly I once wanted to remain the same so that my friendships wouldn’t suffer. I’ll admit that I didn’t always focus on the positive when these changes took place. For so long I’d wanted to freeze time because I hated the attacking feeling of cutting ties with familiarity. The perspective I had towards love within the scope of friendships felt counter-productive and was incredibly draining. I began to question if I was alone in feeling this way. Had I kept this struggle to myself unnecessarily?

Now I see how beautiful of a process the evolution of ourselves in relation to others can be. Yet it’s another natural and common process that I feel is rarely discussed in popular culture. We’re told at a young age that people come and go, but I never truly understood what this meant and why. I had no idea what to expect or how emotionally taxing the process of building a community would be without a positive outlook. I wasn’t prepared to determine when to hold on to someone, and never knew how or when to let go of others. Not until experience became my teacher and pain became the recurring catalyst leading me to my current state of acceptance. 

Having learned so many lessons and with more to come, it’s important to share our experiences for the ‘younger’ generations watching us navigate adulthood. The world needs the rawness of our growth. Flowing through changes and remaining open to any outcome helps us gain so much more than we lose. It encourages mindfulness, opens our hearts to deep connections, and gives us a break from trying tirelessly to determine the future. In letting go, we’re able to authentically live for and with those who are a part of our tribe today.

The good news is that eventually our friendships, those that blossomed and those that withered away, make perfect sense.  It all comes full circle. We gain a perspective that exposes the whole truth, and we suddenly understand how each shift kept us moving forward. Each uncomfortable conversation or break is a building block on our journey. A time comes where we understand how each rift got us a little closer to communities that felt more aligned. Now I look back and realize how empty spaces were filled with exactly who I needed. I deeply appreciate those who stayed close and lovingly accepted me at all times. Who we are today is in part a result of the inspiration cultivated through those we keep around us. I notice that my dreams remain alive with help from my cheerleaders, and I watch as I learn to become a loving cheerleader for others. Through friendship I’m always learning to be kind and understanding; accepting and supportive.

We become resilient through the breaking and re-molding of our relationships. We can either lean into the process, or we can spend our precious energy trying to fight what’s natural. Let’s allow the memories to be memories. Let’s continue to love those who are no longer close; they were and will always be significant. Let’s allow ourselves to let those memories remind us of who we were in comparison to who we are today.

While endings are difficult they birth new and beautiful life all around us. Let’s share our stories and normalize the process so there’s no more shame.



 

Sweet Home.

When you’re asked where ‘home’ is, what comes to mind? Don’t answer just yet. Hear me out…

Is home a place or a person for you? Is it when your heart feels swollen with gratitude? Or in those quiet moments where you can count your own heartbeat? Maybe it’s when you look around and can feel a sense of belonging. Perhaps it’s when you feel grounded, no matter how high you are. Do you feel at home during those weeks when you wipe your own tears, and soothe yourself to sleep? Maybe you’re at home when you take care of self. When you take time.

You are home.  It’s when your center is nowhere else.  But why has it taken so long for us to realize?  Avoidance, maybe? Let’s each decide that truth in our moments of stillness.

For years, home was someone or something else. Right? Your security was ‘out there’ somewhere. Outside of you. For years home was inconsistent. Home was fleeting. Home was never fully as committed as you needed. For years home caused anxiety and doubt. It caused confusion and half-hearted comfort. Home lacked solace. It never honored individuality or growth. Home was control. Home was the newest trend, and it was acceptance from others. Home was some arbitrary finish line. Home was someone else’s dream for you. And in all ways, home always fell short. 

You are home. With all of your beauty wrapped in pain, fear and doubt, home will always be within you.  You are home when you say ‘enough,’ and move forward gracefully. You don’t have to look anywhere else. Home is where you practice forgiveness. When you allow authenticity to beam. Home is where you create space. Space to mess up. Space to fail forward.

Within your own embrace. Home is already right here. 

So, have you made it home yet?

 

Together with Intuition.

You’re just a pest. You always manage to show up unannounced. Then you linger and cause so much confusion. You lead me on, and then you get quiet. Please just be consistent if you insist on staying. We’ve been in this cycle for years, and it’s time we fully commit. We need this. It will be good for us and I’m open if you are. I know…I’ve resisted you for years. But that’s because you were and still are very uncomfortable. A thorn in my side. Your persistence was offensive. Your intention always seemed unclear.

But perhaps your intention wasn’t unclear at all. Perhaps it’s been my negligence that’s caused the rift. Perhaps my avoidance was the catalyst to every hard-learned lesson. So now I’ll explain. Your truth was one I could not handle. I could not face you, and so I tucked you away. Or so I thought. Regardless, I now take full ownership.

I’d lost sight of the fact that you were and are the best part of me. You are me. My north star.

Our rift began when I settled. Became complacent. Afraid to make waves. I tried to take the easy route. And I certainly tried to look away when your vision for me was too big. When your vision for me looked nothing like who I was in the moment. I curved you whenever the work ahead seemed too daunting. When my definition of peace was influenced by others, and lacked context. The outcome of your nagging was too uncertain, so I remained in my comfort zone. But maybe if I had trusted your presence, I would have gotten here much sooner. Still, I’m here now. I feel you and am no longer afraid. I see all that you are. All that WE are. And I thank you. There will be no more hiding from your message. Because you’re my voice of reason. My momentum. My answer. You’re my center. My peace of mind. My protector. You see everything I can’t. My ever-evolving perspective. Baby, you are the vision.

And although I turned my back on you time and time again, you never left. You’re my soldier. My promise. An unconditional force. You keep me moving when the journey gets too cloudy. You’re the ‘I told you so’ that I need every now and again. You’re why I don’t make the same mistake twice. You keep me rising, yet humble. You’ve loved me before my mind did. You are the love that I’ve always needed. My intuition. How I wish I had truly seen you before. But I’m here now. I see you for all that you are and have always been. We’re together now. We’re a force now.

If you’re reading this, tell me - Are you together with Intuition?

 

 

Journey Through.

She didn’t know the power of love. Or that it could introduce her to a world like this. She had not the slightest clue that love felt better coming from the inside out. She didn't know how soothing her own words of compassion could be and didn't dare consider the healing power solitude. That’s why she mindlessly chased togetherness.

At one point, there was no such world free of her own debilitating thoughts…

She wasn’t at all familiar with surrender, but eventually was forced to let life become the teacher. Then it all shifted. It got really bad before it got good. But she kept going. Then came a world where empowerment came from forgiveness, peace of mind became a force, and love became her super power.

Just keep going forward.

Love,

Nia

 

Just, Listen.

He spent over an hour talking about how amazing he was. ‘Peacocking’ for lack of a more colorful word. About all of his growth and healing after nearly 5 years. Of course you were happy for him, why wouldn’t you be? You applaud anyone on a journey to find themself. You commend those brave enough to honor what they find. But all roads led to his successes - the build, the climax and eventually, coasting through life happy, accomplished, and abundant. It all left you speechless.

You were drained. Surely, not at all what you were expecting to feel. You left the table having had no opportunity for your own self expression to shine through.  Not one story, or summary you tried to give reached your ‘worth-the-wait’ punch-line, or your closing power statement of enlightenment. Again, all roads lead back to the validation seeker across form you.

You felt unheard even when you did manage to finish a sentence. Your purpose it seemed, was to just listen and pretend quite skillfully to be enamored. Your engagement was not required and you struggled to re-navigate that space. That familiar but growingly distant territory that consisted of you shrinking and dimming yourself to give security and light to others. It was just as unpleasant as you remembered it to be. That’s why you walked away from that suffocating space, knowing you could never, ever return. You got so tired of pretending to be involved in a dialogue that your participation was not required for. You no longer condoned being interrupted as though your words and your journey were irrelevant. And with this vow in mind, you felt an eagerness to escape that night.

But you did not leave before concluding the following... Listen. Always work intentionally to open your ears and your heart when others are speaking their truth to you. Be curious. Challenge an opposing perspective in a respectful way. That is how you show love. That is how you express that you care. You engage. You put yourself in their shoes and try to experience each story as if you were them. When someone opens up to you there’s a strength they’re trying to harness and when only one party is allowed to show their strength, the other party is left feeling caged into the category of ‘weakness'.

Not everyone will get it. Not everyone you love will get it. You worry about yourself, and be sure to always listen.

Love,

Nia

 

Just Focus.

You know what you want, and what you deserve. It’s not that you forget, you just put it in the back of your mind time and time again. You’ve been conditioned to believe that the approval is outside of yourself and that validation comes from the other. From another.. You didn’t realize that the only validation index was within self. You didn’t realize that you had the power that they all wanted. You didn’t realize how easily you gave it away.  

Why didn’t you stop to think, that the key to peace was in your hand the whole time? Your perspective and your truth has the power to transform your world and has the power to minimize any limitations. But you refuse to use that power to set yourself free.

Always hold on to and protect that power, because the minute you go outside of yourself you stumble.. You have everything you will ever need within you, and keeping that in mind is an overwhelming responsibility. Others have used your own power to mold you and to limit you. Take it back. Just stay focused you. Just stay focused on your power. Just remember that it starts with you.

Love,

Nia