We know that friendships evolve throughout our lives. Sometimes breaks are needed and uncomfortable conversations must be had. In other instances, they may blossom or come to an end. When our friendships change, do we hold resentment towards the outcome or do we see the beauty in evolution? Do we tighten our grip in an effort to keep things familiar or do we surrender to the process? Should we not keep our focus on how much we’ve progressed in honoring what’s best for us? This seems hard to do because change often activates a sense of helplessness in a world subtly conditioning us to control just about anything.
This year I’ve been reminded of how badly I once wanted to remain the same so that my friendships wouldn’t suffer. I’ll admit that I didn’t always focus on the positive when these changes took place. For so long I’d wanted to freeze time because I hated the attacking feeling of cutting ties with familiarity. The perspective I had towards love within the scope of friendships felt counter-productive and was incredibly draining. I began to question if I was alone in feeling this way. Had I kept this struggle to myself unnecessarily?
Now I see how beautiful of a process the evolution of ourselves in relation to others can be. Yet it’s another natural and common process that I feel is rarely discussed in popular culture. We’re told at a young age that people come and go, but I never truly understood what this meant and why. I had no idea what to expect or how emotionally taxing the process of building a community would be without a positive outlook. I wasn’t prepared to determine when to hold on to someone, and never knew how or when to let go of others. Not until experience became my teacher and pain became the recurring catalyst leading me to my current state of acceptance.
Having learned so many lessons and with more to come, it’s important to share our experiences for the ‘younger’ generations watching us navigate adulthood. The world needs the rawness of our growth. Flowing through changes and remaining open to any outcome helps us gain so much more than we lose. It encourages mindfulness, opens our hearts to deep connections, and gives us a break from trying tirelessly to determine the future. In letting go, we’re able to authentically live for and with those who are a part of our tribe today.
The good news is that eventually our friendships, those that blossomed and those that withered away, make perfect sense. It all comes full circle. We gain a perspective that exposes the whole truth, and we suddenly understand how each shift kept us moving forward. Each uncomfortable conversation or break is a building block on our journey. A time comes where we understand how each rift got us a little closer to communities that felt more aligned. Now I look back and realize how empty spaces were filled with exactly who I needed. I deeply appreciate those who stayed close and lovingly accepted me at all times. Who we are today is in part a result of the inspiration cultivated through those we keep around us. I notice that my dreams remain alive with help from my cheerleaders, and I watch as I learn to become a loving cheerleader for others. Through friendship I’m always learning to be kind and understanding; accepting and supportive.
We become resilient through the breaking and re-molding of our relationships. We can either lean into the process, or we can spend our precious energy trying to fight what’s natural. Let’s allow the memories to be memories. Let’s continue to love those who are no longer close; they were and will always be significant. Let’s allow ourselves to let those memories remind us of who we were in comparison to who we are today.
While endings are difficult they birth new and beautiful life all around us. Let’s share our stories and normalize the process so there’s no more shame.